It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
