just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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