There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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