THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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