Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
