i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
