Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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