well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
