i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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