I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
