Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
