Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
