They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
