just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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