Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
