Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
