Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
