I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
