shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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