Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
