I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
