I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i think i just lost a toe
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
