toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just cut my nipple shaving
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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