im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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