i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
