The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
