I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
