I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I will be naked everywhere
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
