I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
