Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
