shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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