Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
