Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
