Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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