and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
