i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
