Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
