This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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