FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
