she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Even my vagina gasped.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
