I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
