great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
