Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
