omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
