He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You don't make any sense
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