I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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