All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
