Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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