guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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