Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
