It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
