So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
