can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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