last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
