Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
