I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're like the curious george of whores
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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