I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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