i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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