dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
