none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do vagina's smell?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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