he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
