i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
