Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
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