I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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