They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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